sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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