Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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