Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
