You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
