I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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