Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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