He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
