When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
