I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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