i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
