Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
