Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
