i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
