so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
