I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
