I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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