she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
