I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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