She said her name was "party"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
