She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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