I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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