I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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