So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
