Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
