Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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