I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
