i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
