I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
