Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
