Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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