my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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