I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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