The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
