Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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