We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
