is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Rumble strips road head = magical
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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