Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
