if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
our cab driver is having phone sex.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
