this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
