So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm at about main and main street
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just crazy horny about you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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