The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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