He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
