so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I could fuck to npr.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
