just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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