Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
