I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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