I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
