I think I died a long time ago.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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