he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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