He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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